Bangkok’s Columnist Gods

He was the greatest of them all. The if not best known farang in Thailand: Bernard Trink – the one and only Nite Owl, who lead an impossible life between Bangkok’s bars and a hysterically jealous wife. Trink wrote a weekly column in Friday’s Bangkok Post.

For some time he symbolized Bangkok’s nightlife itself. That was back then. The Nite Owl is history. Bangkok’s nightlife has been tamed – as have Bangkok’s newer nightlife columnists and other commentators?

Trink’s crisp and dry insights about what Bangkok was famous for, written in easily readable paragraphs, spiced up with philosophical ramblings, remain unmatched. But ho ho! Many new talents have proven themselves as worthy successors of the grand Trink.

Whereas astonished reader George wrote us: “I personally found Trink an embarrassment to the foreigners living and working in Thailand. I celebrated the day when the Bangkok Post finally saw the light and dropped him.”

Others called the day the Post sacked Trink the day the Post lost all journalistic integrity.

Others again were so inspired by Trink and so deeply stuck in the world of bars and girls, the mornings after they simply had to try to sit upright in front of their computer and recall – typingly – those last nights with their last ounce of strength. The ease of the Internet helped produce many little Trinks.

For some it became their mission of life to follow in the footsteps of the great Trink. Because being a well-read columnist in Bangkok elevates to demigod status among some farang circles.

Today a large number of columnists and websites analyzes, reports and contemplates about Bangkok – which is itself is proof of the temptations how this city can hook so many.

Hence many have tried. And many have failed. Take the old Bangkok columnist trend setter, if not icon, Mango Sauce. If you want my humble opinion, Mango Sauce spoiled us with the most challenging, elaborate style of all the Bangkok columnists.

For many Mango Sauce was the best site on the net. They miss the sauce. Maybe a walk on the righter side will bring David back as another online incarnation.

Or, on a less publicized level, legendary Patrick Gauvin aka Shrimp, who has been banned from more hotels than you could ever have Martinis in.

But those, says the one who must know, are more merely spectators. He himself is the accomplished professional: Dave The Rave, the Go-Go Guru of Bangkok. A real person. Bangkok’s longest serving go-go bar manager. Who doesn’t hide behind an invisible Mr. X Internet identity.

Tells us Dave The Rave: “I’m qualified to be the voice of Thailand’s nightlife. If you watch your favorite sporting event – you want to listen to the comments of a spectator in the crowd? Of course not. You want to listen to somebody that knows the subject inside out.”

Dave The Rave has no competition. “I am the only person in my field doing what I am doing. I am the Go-Go-Guru. My record speaks for itself.”

Born in rural England, he got off to a very boring start. A healthy counter-urge brought him to Thailand. The first time in 1988. “I have remained captivated by her compelling grip ever since.”

He moved to Bangkok in 1988 and has been running go-go bars ever since. He has made history by becoming Bangkok’s longest serving go-go bar manager – which in itself is a highest award in the rough Bangkok trade.

Dave the rave kept his great passion for the nightlife with a refreshing, original approach. He’s not some burnt out, jaded old man, but writes with passion and enthusiasm for males and females alike.

Dave’s not your Pulitzer writer, but this ain’t a perfect world. With his website and his “looking out from the inside” he shares his calling “in a fun way”. 400,000 hits in the record month – not too shabby Dave!

A more business-like, other contender of being a heir to the Nite Owl, remains Stickman, who is a legend by now amongst Bangkok’s mainly Caucasian males above the subtle age of 40.

Stickman is an old stager here. Not that old though. “An older head on somewhat younger shoulders,” as an insider writes. But he has seen it all.

Stickman’s fresh weekly column Stick Mark II is eagerly awaited every Sunday by devoted readers all around the world.

His column is uploaded each Sunday at 6 pm Bangkok time, 11 am London and 6 am New York time. Stickman’s readers ritually spend that time in front of their computers, hitting that reload button again and again.

To come accross factual though: One hears of disgruntled expatrates. They see Stickman as a negative voice and his view of the nightlife as jaded and narrow minded. But there is a lot of jealousy in this columnist biz – and too many voices in Bangkok knowing everything.

Stickman’s web hits speak for themselves. He once told us: “You should see the website’s stats for Sundays when I upload the column. They shoot up vertically.”

Stickman’s columns are a colorful mixture of first hand experiences, reflections about the Thai female and readers’ submissions from all walks of Thai life.

But not only Bangkok freshmen and the broken-hearted find comfort in Stickman’s columns. His most loyal readers, Stickman says, are longtime residents, frequent Thailand travelers, Thai academics and, says Stickman, females from the East and West. Others say, his most eager readers are naive newcomers, whereas the savvy expats move away.

According to Stickman his website attracts some 5,000 unique visitors a day. The site has become a brand name. Stickman had been offered many millions of baht for it. He declined. Even though lately, because of his website, he had to fight an ugly battle he was not asking for.

A screeching she-goat by the name of Keith Summers showed up. With a truly inspired website called Not Stickman. Summers tried to get his 15 minutes of fame and bury Stickman.

Summers still pretends to be some John Galt, even though the whole Bangkok community knows about his true identity and past. Summers at least deserves an award for a such most anxious attempt not being somebody he’ll always be.

Stickman had mastered the whole affair with utmost dignity. Summers tried outslutting. Threw mud. That wouldn’t stick. Stickman would never acknowledge his enemy. And was therefore never drawn into a fight.

Stickman kept his gentleman-like cool, in the true tradition of Thai politeness, reserve and composure. He disappeared for a while – and is back with recharged batteries and ideas. Even though lately he served us a lot of warmed up, old stuff. No longer the real “keyboard king”, but still the most extensive news and information source on a regular basis.

Back then, in the heat of the online jealousies, Stickman had conceded that he could use a break. Today the comeback kid has nobody to fear. “Competition?” he just told absolutelyBangkok.com. “Who are they?”

Says Stickman: “I am not sure who else produces a weekly online column which is essentially a round-up of issues of interest to Westerners living in or who visit Thailand frequently.”

What outlines Stickman’s very recipe for success: His discipline to produce something readable every week and to update with new readers’ stories every day.

Discipline is a treasured virtue after living in Thailand for so many years. As is well known, the lures of the Kingdom have claimed many formerly happy, steady life.

Which is exactly the reason why the website portal of Thaivisa is such a success.

Thaivisa is mainly a chat and Q&A forum. There’s a huge demand for answers in the Thailand of the many realities where nothing is really ever clear.

Over the years Thaivisa developed into a carefully commercialized website, which basically monopolizes many online quests of Westerners in Thailand.

Thaivisa is believed to have the largest number of chat board members in Thailand. The very best chat forums in town. However it is still a chat forum based website.

Amazing what Thaivisa has achieved in only five years. Solid reasons for by now already legendary parties thrown by Thaivisa!

But success is based on vigilant steersmanship.

The chat forums are quite moderated. Whatever has a hint of indecency or dubiety is disappears immediately. What made Thaivisa Thailand’s undisputed number one source of information for issues concerning farangs – such as visa problems, those inapprehensible thaiisms and, yes, how to deal with your local in-laws. A rich pot full of views and opinions from all and sundry.

Every other month Thaivisa adds another business, be it an online mating service, a flower delivery or Thailand’s biggest classifieds marketplace.

Thaivisa though represents the nice, official Thailand. Stickman dares to dip some toes into the underworld of skin and body odor and crimes – thereby inevitably attracting quite some readership. But Stickman conceals only the tip of the iceberg. There is a whole army of much darker Bangkok columnists out there, who know every single cigarette burn hole in every single chair in every single Bangkok bar.

Take, as mentioned, Dave The Rave, Bangkok’s Go-Go Guru, who talks about and lives the world of bars and girls with the relaxed dexterity of a true connoisseur of his very art.

His neighbor-in-spirit Dean Barrett is more of a collector of information about those very hormonally induced things every man has to dwell upon. Barrett shines though with the very ironical humor that eagerly gives in to Bangkok’s irresistibility.

Writes Barrett on his website: “Should you find any of the photographs or illustrations on this website offensive or insulting in any way, please contact the webmaster and he will enlarge them.”

Barrett neither takes his website nor himself too seriously. His followers tend to be older Thailand veterans, most of whom American expats.

For punters who prefer to live in the very dark of the night, who love the offensive, downright inexcusable and exploiting, they shall pay a visit to The FARANG Speaks 2 Much – what? Come again?! Sensing some sarcastic undercurrents?

This rather perplexing site seems to have its own inexhaustible pool of reporters constantly breaking through the front lines of massage parlors and bars. Around the clock for that.

You will learn about things you never dared to learn about. Or are suddenly confronted with the existence of places that just yesterday seemed impossible. But this is Bangkok, the ever astonishing metropolis, where tongue-in-cheek is a basic survival kit. Where everybody finds everything. Where you can casually practice in the open what other cities hide.

But hey! “This is nothing” – to quote Dustin Hoffman in Wag the Dog. As we’re obviously observing from virgin territory. As we – can you believe it? – initially left off Bangkok Bad Boy. Thanks you, The FARANG Speaks 2 Much for giving that broad, comradely hint. You look like an altar boy in comparison to Bad Boy.

Our excuse? Even if the flesh is willing, the spirit is weak. Bangkok Bad Boy overstretches our mights. He is a vade mecum of, well, … anecdotes!

And anecdotes they are, those explorations ascending staircases, where nobody ever wants to descend. And chapeau Bad Boy: THE WEEKLY is, I must say, is a classic. It’s bright and shiny out there deep down in the dark.

A childish, not old Englishman, who patiently gives the names of the girls he has pleasures with, describes his pleasure tools and enjoys badmouthing of a certain working class. Bad Boy took over quite some lost souls from Mango Sauce. “Internet hooligans” mostly, as an aficionado of the scene told us. As cocky as he comes across, he’s still only the “character” he portrays. And, most likely, betrays.

If you’re not into the heavy stuff and prefer to walk a much milder road, then take a look at Baht&Sold with its forum and classifieds. Not your must-have-bookmark, but the site provides helpful news updates for subscribers. And I got quite some response trying to sell my car over Baht&Sold.

A kind of messed up sit is Ron Morris’ 2Bangkok, a website like a dump of scraps of thoughts. Bits and pieces strewn in here and there. Better save your electricity.

And don’t forget, there is much more to community websites in Thailand than the Bangkokian ones. Take all the upcountry websites – such as Hua Hin After Dark, a site living with the rhythms of the nearby tides.

HHAD plays an important role as a linchpin of the local farang community. Traffic does not even slow down during the long off season and enjoy bumper popularity throughout the high season. “We have no seasons,” says moderator Lev Jameson. “Traffic increases steadily.”

Jameson is confident. HHAD, he told absolutelyBangkok.com, is the real thing in booming Hua Hin: “We’re way above the competition. Most competing websites in Hua Hin end up stealing our content anyway.”

HHAD’s forum offers that auspicious Night Crawler category. Contribute some 30 relevant and meaningful posts – and get access to the private members only area.

Then there are all the Pattaya and Phuket and Chiang Mai websites and the online communities of the Scandinavians, the Germans, the Koreans and Japanese.

Some are copycats, others venturers. But all lovers of Thailand in their very own ways.

And what has absolutelyBangkok.com got to do with all that?

Hell, to put in our twopenn’orth! – for what it’s worth.

Striving to strike a more subtle tone about what matters.

Because – as one famous Bangkok old hand nearly said – I DO GIVE A HOOT!