How Western Parents Can Have Polite, Kind & Respectful Kids: Teach Them Thai Values
Thailand may not be a world leader in Westminster democracy, high morals and ethics. But obviously in children’s behavioral education. Following text is by an author who’s all but an idolizer of Thai values and therefore ignores the potential effects the – submissive? – Thai values may have on the kids later on. Just to mention the inability to take decisions, face opposition, stand a high moral ground.
It all seems so easy, just smile at everything. Here we go: Thailand has a reputation throughout the world as having some of the world’s nicest people. As a teacher in Thailand, I’ve always noticed that Thai kids do not behave like Western kids. Thai culture is completely different to Western culture, and Thai kids are brought up much more strictly.
Thai children are taught different values than Western children and, because of this, they tend to be behave better and be sweeter and nicer than many Western kids. After five years of teaching English in Thailand, here are what I think are some important Thai values that every Western parent should be teaching their child.
By Fabletoo
Be Kind – Living in Thailand over the last few years, I’ve come to realize how different it is living in a country where people are intrinsically kind. Thais are the kindest people I’ve ever met and will bend over backwards to make sure you’re taken care of, safe and happy. Thai parents also teach their children to be kind to others. So Thai children and young adults are kind to their elders, to other children, and are incredibly kind to foreigners who visit Thailand. If more parents taught their children to be kind, like the Thais do, the world would be a much better place.
Be Polite – The most important characteristic to have in Thailand is to be polite. In five years of living in Thailand, I have never seen a Thai lose their temper (sure, it happens, but very rarely and usually in the comfort of their own home). If Thais have a problem, they always remain polite until they solve it. If they have a problem with you, they will be polite, even if you continue to be rude to them. Being polite makes Thailand a very civilized society, where people don’t feel threatened because somebody is uncontrollably screaming at them. Even while driving, which is very stressful in Bangkok, Thais remain calm, cool and polite. Western parents should teach their children to always be polite, after all, my mother always taught me “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
Take Care of and Respect Your Elders – Thai children are taught that elders are always taken care of and respected. So, consequently, most Thai families take care of grandparents and parents, even to the point that the whole family lives in communal areas, where every elder is respected and cared for. In the West, we tend to throw our elders into a retirement home and forget about them. That’s why Western cultures are moving away from being ‘family oriented’ and Asian cultures, like Thailand, put family before anything, including their jobs. I’m only in my 40s and I still get a lot of respect from Thais in their 20s. I’m older than them so I should be respected and taken care of. For me, this means the people in my office in their 20s do everything for me. I’m older, they should do. That’s how they think and that’s what their parents taught them. If Western parents taught their kids to take care of and respect their elders, the whole fabric of Western society would be stronger and every individual would feel important and wanted.
Be Jai Yen (Cool Hearted) – The Thais have many phrases using the word “jai,” heart. The term jai yen is drummed into every Thai child’s head and it means “cool heart” or, literally, don’t lose your cool. Stay calm, even in the worst situation. Being jai yen is highly prized in Thailand and will gain you the respect that having temper tantrums won’t. More Western parents should teach their kids to be “jai yen” and the West would have less drive-by shootings, road rage, rude behavior in businesses and stores, and much more.
See the Humor in Everything – I laugh all the time in Thailand. Thais are taught by their parents to see the funny side of everything, even the bad stuff. Consequently, they find everything funny and love to laugh. Laughter keeps you young and has been medically proven to keep you healthier. If Western parents taught their kids to laugh at bad situations instead of getting bent out of shape and stressed, we’d have whole nations of people who were healthier and happier. Thais even laugh at funerals, telling funny stories and jokes about the person who died, as they feel they should be happy because the deceased is in a better place. Western parents would do well to teach their kids to see the humor in things. It simply makes every day better.
Thai children are well-behaved, polite, kind, helpful to their elders and respectful of everyone. Western parents could learn something from Thai parents as, year by year, Western kids become less polite and more aggressive.
This guy needs to get out more often. First of all, most Western parents *do* try to teach their kids these values. Secondly, this guy has obviously been insulated from the reality of Thailand. He should live in a rural village for a year to see how Thais really act in their everyday lives. Never lose their tempers, indeed.
I’ve been to some places in my life and heard some people screaming. But nothing comes close to an angry Thai woman.
Somehow there’s no middle ground between keeping and losing one’s cool in Thailand.
It’s polite – or ultimate anger.
I wonder on which Planet Bangkok this author is living.
I just saw a Thai person get jai rawn yesterday. A young woman at the till in Boots threw – THREW! – her calculator and pen during a dispute with a co-worker. Sadly I think melodramatic Thai soap operas and movie imports from Hollywood are starting to erode many basic tenets of traditional Thai culture …
Most Thai children have a deep mistrust of foreigners – now that phenomena doesn’t come from nowhere. Any hilarity attempted with lower class Thais in public will mostly result in them laughing at you rather than with you. I was struck by an African child who befriended me and my Thai companion in a BKK shopping mall, even though we had no language in common, that included the mother, who was cool but didn’t have any qualms that her five year old daughter was laughing and holding hands with a complete stranger … Sadly, by comparison Thai children are repressed, unhappy, self conscious, spiteful and many grow up to be unfulfilled adults. On the bright side, many are able to bridge over all these negatives, and in an underestimated proof of bravery, mature into very charming and helpful human beings.
6,000+ murders a year, 30,000+ deaths on the road, most military coups in history – but at least the Thai kids behave like they are members of a giant brainwashing cult. This isn’t from thai-blogs.con by any chance?
So, when one or two British kids shouted racist comments at me while I was walking to the train station, I suppose I should make an assumption that all the local youths behave like that now? And when the youngest son of my next door neighbor greets me politely when he sees me, neither do I assume that, behaviourally speaking, all of their children are alike. Even kids are subject to xenophobic comments now? I just cannot bring myself to make such a generalisation as that, as it is simply prejudicial and ethnocentric.
As an alien in Thailand. being constantly referred to as a piece of fruit, but not one off the same tree, or even, god forbid, the same garden, does have prejudicial and ethnocentric tones to it. But I don’t complain, I chose to be here. Though I do like to call a spade a spade, no pun intended!
While OP’s observations may seem a tad rosy, the values described can easily be found throughout Thailand. It’s just that the bittered long-time farang residents seem to have closed their eyes for seeing just those. As a frequently-traveling alien in Thailand the OP’s subjects spring to mind as many of the nice features this country offers to her guests.
I am sorry that being called farang might upset some foreigners, but it all depends on the context and the tone of that person when he or she directs sentences at a particular Caucasian. If someone uses the word in a mocking tone, I agree it is rude and inappropriate. But sometimes Thai language makes refering to a Caucasian person as farang unavoidable i.e. when the word is used in a third person context. I am sure that people would prefer to use your name instead of “farang.” Yet, you need to realise that not all people are well-versed in English. I totally agree with your uncomplaining stance, because, as a Thai living abroad, I too have to put up with many things that I don’t particularly like in the native society. But no one forced me to be here. Then again, I would not dream of making generalizations about the locals seeing as it is rather subjective.
When do xenophobia and ethnocentriscism become contextual?
It’s all about Grenjai isn’t it. Don’t ask question so the rich don’t have to give answers. Keep em under the cosh. Make sure they are grateful for it too.
The original author is right. Thais are the nicest people in the world, as long as you adapt your own foreign ways to fit in with them. Then Thailand will become a paradise for you. It certainly worked for me. Can’t remember the last time I had any argument, frustration or anxiety in Bangkok. Then again, I think my attitude has always been rather Thai-ish, which is why I was viewed as an oddball in my native USA. People didn’t understand my character, but here in Thailand I’m loved by many, even though my Thai language is still weak. If you’re the type of person who can’t change your Western ways of thinking and acting, Thailand isn’t the place for you. If you can succeed in doing that, it seems almost like a Utopia, as it does for me.
Through experiences I wish I never had nor would want, I will disagree with everything in this article.
Every Dharma Thais claim they follow, is untrue. Thailand may be a land of laws, but not justice. It may have a “culture,” but I am not part of it. Thais do not understand morality is not ethics. Beating children is immoral, I don’t need someone to say its OK.
Thailand is on just about every Watch List and there are sites devoted to each failing of Thais: theft, corruption, bias, children beatings, “schooling” and … police. Thai and Thailand is at best called a facade that is not funny. Thais will protect Thais from arrest or responsibility; but not foreigners. Thais wish they would be lauded as “world leaders” … etc. Thailand signs half of the United Nations’ human rights accords, but not the civil aspects nor the core intents. Thus, parental abduction is LEGAL in Thailand (with no laws to say so).
Thai police will NOT make a report for this; Thai Human Rights Commission will only protect and assist the “Thai” parent doing the abducting. Being an American, parental abduction is illegal, a civil crime. U.S. social security benefits, which would pay for the children’s welfare, medicine and education … through university … will not be paid due to the “theft” of the children. Thai ministry of social and welfare Services claims “it is our culture” the children can go to public Thai school and “learn obedience.” The mentality or sanity of the Thai parent is never questioned nor examined by the Thai department of mental health.
Having been denied access to the kids for two years … they ask me “daddy, why don’t you drink beer”? This is a “proud culture”? This is an education? I now understand, the Thai “wai” means respect AND obedience. Can only grin and bear it.
Thailand is not the place for educating children with a mind or a morality.
Having the experience of a child abducted gives a knowledge one would not choose. My son, at age three, was abducted by his Thai mother. I have seen him only four times in the last two years. At age three, he could speak perfect English and could quote all of the Latin in a Harry Potter movie. Now, at age five, he smears his English: replacing r and l, with w, pwease, pway, e wiss [eat rice]. He was placed in a Thai uncle’s house, who regularly beats him, his Thai mother also beats him. On one of his rare visits, he beat a Thai boy on the street and threw stones at him; he beat with a stick the elderly wife of a friend and ejected one of the worse English swear expressions he learned from the Thai mother. I have pushed this case to the Thai Deptartement of Welfare, who has done nothing. PS: At his kindergarten school, the Thai teacher does beat him and he almost fell out a window trying to escape. At three he was curious and spoke up about what he wanted, now he lowers his head and talks quietly into his shirt. The Thai guidelines for children only mentions two important factors: obediance to the standards of Thai society. Justice and morality are not included.
@dr.k.conor, even if your account was totally fictitious, my heart goes out to you and your child. Unlike my sympathy, or lack of it for Jack who comes across like the perfect “Useful Idiot” whose testimonial the TAT would love to highlight in their Amazing Thailand retinue of foreigners who don’t question anything. Must be pussy whipped or cursed by some potent Namman Prai.
I am an expat living in Bangkok,Thailand, for some years now.
If I was asked to write about “Thai values practiced by Thais, as seen in day today life,” I will surely and certainly mention all those values so well expressed by this author. The very important point Fabletoo wants to makes is that these values are and these values were the most cherished in Thai society. Thailand let me say, is still successful in preserving these values amongst their younger generations. Exceptions will be there, and that is not our concern here. Accept the facts as they are.
Most of the other Asian countries including China, India have actually deserted these values although they were considered the greatest of cultures and civilisations once. Surely Thailand and the Thai parents must feel proud of their children who are by and large sincerely following those values highlighted by the author.
I have always held the Thai children in high esteem and their sincere respectfulness to all elders is something adorable and enviable.
None of the children who study in International schools have displayed such winning qualities as a child from a regular Thai school in Bangkok. This in itself is a great tribute to the greatest service the Thai teachers and their parents are rendering to their country and to their society.
Believe me when I say this: Thailand is the only country in this part of the world with maximum number of repeat tourist visitors, because they honestly believe that Thai people and the whole community are innately good and friendly and always helpful. I too firmly believe in this. All said and done, a Thai child is a much more cultured and civilised human being than many living in other countries. I am proud to be living in Thailand and I am inspired by the goodness of the Thai people in whose midst I am living.
Honestly, U.Sathyamoorthy. No society, nor culture anywhere, nor at any time, can honestly claim to have obtained the ‘values’ that you believe the “Thai” claim to have. The “culture” of “thainess” and “nationalism” prevails here.
Perhaps, the Thai students who recently threw flares at an opposing football team were being ideal. Or the ‘Thai’ who beat to death a man who damaged the Erawan Idol were being ideal or being Buddhist. Or the university students who chastised a girl who cut her hair in here own style..and should be ashamed of her difference and should not present herself for her diploma. Perhaps the values you claim exist in the “Thai” drug police who executed 3,000 “suspects” were acting ideally or just being obediant as they were taught in public schools. Or maybe it was it was the two ‘Thai’ brothers who after purchasing a residence hotel for elderly Chinese and Filipino retirees in San Francisco evicted them and destroyed the hotel all within half a day … “they were just doing what was correct from where they came from” [as assessed by S.F. police]. Or maybe the proud ‘Thai’ aspect comes in when the Kasikorn Bank denied me access to a jointly held account, but gave it all away to the “Thai” side, as “farang cannot be trusted as they lie and use Thais.” As for the aspect of Child Abduction by a Parent, eight (8) members of the United Nations have little or no laws on this issue, all eight form the bulk of Asean, all eight claim it is their “sovereign right and culture” to permit this. Thai Police will not even make a rudimentary report on the issue. As for the many foreigners seeking a inexpensive and safe haven, I know of a foreigner, once a radio celebrity, whose offspring Thai son evicted his own mother from her house … “because my new Thai wife does not want a farang in ‘her’ house.”
I suggest Mr. Sathyamoorthy, you read further back into the comments or else wonder why so many people have so many ‘war’ stories to tell.