Not The Nation.com

What are your ritually first movements each morning after waking up? For me – still in bed -, it’s the downloading of new emails.

Next is – still in bed – a quick look through some websites. Such as Google News, the Bangkok Post, The Nation. Now, there’s a new flavor to this early surfing: Not The Nation. “The website you can trust.”

Well, never trusted The Nation? Granted, its editors are emotional sometimes.

But still. When the Post had deserted us during the dark days under Thaksin, when the Post became a yes-paper with some irrelevant texts squeezed tween colorful ads, The Nation never failed us.

The Nation kept on itching and digging. And now there is a reverse copycat of this trustful paper:

Not The Nation.

The copycat-version of its well-known twin is even more astonishing as satire and sarcasm are hardly known features in Thai society.

To give you a taste of the latest headlines of Not The Nation:

• Former TAT Governor Denies Ever Being TAT Governor
• Militants Call for Construction of New Schools To Burn Down
• CNS Lifts Ban on Irony
• Election Posters Now Visible From Space
• “Official Pick-Up Truck” Isuzu to Sponsor New Constitution
• Anti-Singaporean Protesters Unsure What To Boycott

Or don’t you just love this goody:

Can there be a Thai among the gifted brains of authors?

You won’t find any references about true identities. Where- and whoever they are: They must have learned their skills and copied the art of satire from the one and only The Onion, America’s finest news source.

Or you tell me: Where else in Thailand you find such refreshing classifieds as these:

Addiction Are you an alcoholic? Me too. Normally I can be found at Molly Malone’s from 11am to 5pm, Cheap Charlie’s at 6pm and Nana Plaza to close. Ask the bartenders for Tony.

Help Wanted Deputy Finance Minister, full time. Must be able to depreciate baht without sinking SET. No previous political office held 2000-06. No financial office held 1995-97. Contact Surayud.

For Sale Entire works of Christopher G. Moore. 50 baht or best offer. Books can be found in a stack on corner of Sukhumvit and Soi 11. Call Ian at 088 432 9111 after 10pm.

Yes. You must have read it in Not The Nation. Thailand’s agnostic, heretic anti-paper – and a trustworthy source of information therefore.

Or you tell me – and let’s talk official now: Ever felt like getting a syllable of trustworthy information here?

As grand old Nietzsche said: “Nothing is wrong, everything is permitted.”

Nietzsche would have loved Thailand.

It goes without saying: Enjoy Not The Nation with certain skepticism. When the paper’s headline reads Meteor Destroys Bridge Ahead of Abhisit Motorcade, don’t take the literal meteor.

Think larger. Widen your horizon. Explore metaphorically. And then you’re spot on with Not The Nation.

And enjoy benefits! Read the paper and get a special introduction price for the swankiest new luxury condo in Bangkok, the Elite Tower:

Experience the lifestyle so exclusive it has no regard
for the suffering of humanity.
Insulate yourself from all reality with our high-rise views,
double-glazed windows and overbearing security.
Surround your family with an immaculate,
sterile atmosphere of hotel-like built-in furnishings and
watered down Oriental Modern decor.
Quarantine your Burmese maid into
a windowless, asylum-like cell near the constant drone of
air-conditioner compressors.
Life above it all and ignorant of even more – at Elite Tower.

Not The Nation – available at no newsstand.