Sin Sod: Thai Dowries Change With The Times. Or Do They?

Thanks Tong of Asian Sweetheart for the mention of this Thai Bride Fee article. Thailand’s sin sod, the dowry the groom pays, may have shattered countless prospective marriages already. But times are changing.

As Tong says, the article written by Thai woman named Warangkana Chomchuen “gives you a good idea of what a Bangkok woman thinks about sin sod these days.” I myself must say may lovely mother-in-law never ever asked for a satang, thus enabling a relationship not built on money.

To pay or not to pay? How much is enough? How much she’s really worth? Another beautiful Thai tradition about to become extinct? The more educated and higher up the social ladder, the lower the dowry, eh, bride price?

By Warangkana Chomchuen, NBC

BANGKOK – One evening I asked my mother how much she would ask for a dowry if I were to get married. A friend of mine is going to tie the knot this year and it made me curious about what my “bride price” would be.

“Maybe a million baht,” she said after a pause. A million baht, or roughly $32,000, should cover a down payment for a 500-square foot condominium in Bangkok or buy me a brand new Toyota Camry.

Unlike India, where the bride’s family pays a dowry to the groom to recognize that he will provide for his wife, in Thailand it’s the other way round. The Thai groom pays “Sin Sod” (or dowry) to prove to the bride’s family that he will be a good provider.

The dowry usually comprises cash, jewelry, gold or property. The rate varies according to the social status of the two families. For lower-to-middle-class families the dowry can range from $2,000 – $50,000, but in a marriage between two more affluent families, the dowry may reach as high as $100,000 – $500,000.

When a famous Thai pop singer got engaged to a son of a millionaire late last year, her dowry – cash, diamond rings and a posh Audi sport car – was worth $3 million.

In Thailand, a dowry is sometimes called a “breastfeeding fee” – a symbolic payment for raising a good daughter who hopefully will also become a good wife. A more accomplished bride – such as Miss Thailand – is likely, though not always, expected to be pricier.

Times have changed

Some Thais loathe the dowry system and many foreign suitors are shocked at it. The usual criticism is that it’s dehumanizing and the ultimate rip off. Some parents tend to use the money for their own gain – paying debts, drinking and partying, or buying a new car.

I don’t think the dowry would be necessary for my marriage (if I were to ever walk down the aisle). If love alone isn’t enough, my marriage should be sustained by my groom’s decent character and his full-time job. Still, I can see why we’ve had the dowry system for so long in Thailand.

One of my theories is that many young Thais in the past did not have the luxury to date and spend much time together. A marriage, even if not necessarily an arranged one, was often the decision of the bride’s parents. The dowry, therefore, was a way for the suitor to present himself to the woman’s family. And since he was going to be the breadwinner, the dowry was important to prove that he would be a good one.

Modern-day courtship has obviously changed, and so has the idea of a dowry. Young couples now spend years seeing each other and learning about their families. Together they decide and plan the marriage. More and more parents waive or return the dowry to their daughter after the wedding as a gift. Still, some parents like to demand a costly dowry purely to save face or to show off.

My cousin’s marriage to his girlfriend a few years ago was a good example of a modern-day courtship that combined old and new.

Having just spent a lump sum of money on his master’s degree and being left with little else, my 30-something-year-old cousin proposed anyway. He had known the family so well, for so long, he felt right to expect a reasonable dowry request or some sort of discount.

But her parents wanted a dowry equal to three years of his salary and he was flabbergasted. The wedding took place as planned – only because he got some help from his family and his bride, who had given him all her savings.

Of all people at the wedding, her parents were probably the happiest. They never got tired of telling their guests how much their daughter was worth. But it was all symbolic – every cent of the dowry was returned to the newlyweds that very evening and everyone was emotional and teary-eyed because of it.

“I will give the dowry back to you,” my mother assured me when I was quiet in my thoughts. “All of that one million.”

Of course I’m grateful for that. But just a million baht? My mother can be too modest sometimes.

Via MSNBC




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June 8, 2008 | Filed Under Being Farang, Society, The Thai Mind 

Comments

2 Responses to “Sin Sod: Thai Dowries Change With The Times. Or Do They?”

  1. Greg on September 4th, 2008 10:02 pm

    Great post. When I went to the wedding of a well-off friend, I left feeling a bit depressed due to the huge stack of cash on the table. As a guy who certainly makes far, far less than what the average Thai thinks all “rich” farang make, I thought I’d never get married. Luckily, my gf and her family are pretty modern and don’t go for that dowry stuff. It’s quite interesting how the idea of a dowry is so violently rejected by us farang, yet often still considered normal in a relatively western-friendly country like Thailand.

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  2. Cynic on June 13th, 2010 4:37 pm

    It’s also quite interesting how many other aspects of Thai culture can be forgotten so long as the farang comes up with the cash.

    I’ve never been a monk, as most Thai men would before getting married, I think Bhuddism is like all religions a bit of a crock and would raise my children to be highly sceptical of it. I have no intention of becoming a rice farmer. All of this was no problem for my ex girlfriend’s family. Oh but that one aspect of “Thai culture” – paying 300,000 Baht to marry an Isaan farm girl was none negotiable … See ya!

    They weren’t prepared to be the least bit reasonable about it, and in the end that finished our relationship. Says it all really. It’s not like buying a wife, but pay up or go away. Well that sounds very much like buying a wife to me, khrap.

    So much for the “face” they would have gained by having a big sin sod, how much did they lose by their daughter’s fiance calling it all off and leaving because of her parent’s cynical attempt to rip me off? Well enough that she works in Pattaya now, and not in 7-11 … She had never done that sort of work before.

    Not to worry, dad has a bottle of lao khao in his hand and didn’t have to lift a finger, mum can play cards all night, and her brother has a blue light on his motorbike. Let the good times roll.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love Thailand and the people and certain aspects of the culture but sin sod is a ridiculous feudal remnant.

    Bitter? Moi? Well yes. I loved that girl and I know that breaking up made her unhappy too. I also believe that sin sod or not she would have had a far better life and far greater opportunities in terms of travel, experiences and material wealth than she will get in Pattaya, for the three to four years she has until she is past it, let alone the rest of her life after that. Trying to get hitched up with an aging sex tourist is probably her best bet, sin sod would be an easier sell in the light of a bulk buy discount.

    Of course she could have stood up to her parents and made her own decisions, but that wouldn’t be very Thai either …

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