Thai Love Talk

The title of this post should actually read “Sex Talk.” That’s the title of the book Sex Talk we’re about to talk about. A personal guide to Thai sexuality. From a female perspective. But I’m reluctant to suggest that we’re cheaply fishing for hits to improve rankings and such.

The topic’s a too serious one that has brought much delight and also pain to countless farangs. The inability to bridge the gap between Thai and foreign culture can explain why the Thai woman is not always easily understood.

Understanding the Thai concept of love, romance and sexuality is key to the understanding of the Thai woman, or not. Not that I understand any of it. That’s why I met the author of the book, Kaewmala, and got some delightful insights. Or you don’t want to please your partner better?

Kaewmala, who are you?

An ordinary Thai woman. Kaewmala is a pen name.

Your background?

Born and raised in northern Thailand. Went to school and university in Chiang Mai and spent ten years studying and working in the United States. Happily married and currently living in Bangkok with the (farang) husband. Writing as a hobby and keeping a day job as an independent consultant in international development.

And why this book?

In short, personal pleasure, dearth of Thai-female perspectives in discussion about sex and relationship (in particular between Thais and farangs) and desire to help create a better understanding about sexuality in Thai culture and about Thai women. In length, I wrote why I talk about sex on my website here.

Give us a short intro what the book is all about.

The book’s like a native guide that takes you on a rare expedition into the deep jungle of Thai eroticism. And this native guide happens to be a woman who wants to reveal the local thinking and behaviors about love, romance and sex, past and present.

The book, first in the series, is an introduction to love, romance and sexuality in Thai culture. It covers various aspects from common personalities in the Thai love market, attraction and flirtation, to courtship, dating, love, marriage, informal coupling and decoupling, as well as the Thai concepts of beauty and sex appeal. The contents of the book and some excerpts are actually available here.

You’re fascinated by that Thai approach to love, romance and sexuality.

I am curious about it. The fact that you are born into a culture doesn’t make you an expert. So I learn as I research, think and write. And writing for me is a way of sharing what I have learned with others.

What’s unique about Thai love?

Would you ask “What’s unique about American love?” French? Swedish? Zimbabwean “love”? Is love in each different culture supposed to be unique?

If there is such a thing called “Thai love,” I’m sorry I really don’t know what it is. I think most women of any creed and nationality are probably more pragmatic than men when it comes to choosing a mate. Safety and security is universally important for women because women tend to be more concerned about nesting and future children. In this way Thai women are no different from women elsewhere.

If you focused on a certain group of Thai women, say Thai women who are with foreign men, it is tempting to think that Thai women have primarily (material) security and (family) safety (net) in mind. But what about plenty more Thai women who choose to be with men who can’t provide for them materially—or don’t expect them to? Would you then say that these Thai women aren’t pragmatic in love? The question is not whether “Thai love” is more or less pragmatic than “Western love” but what the woman concerned values most in the relationship because even among Thai women the answer can vary greatly. For some safety and security is abstract (love, commitment, loyalty, personal freedom), for others it may come from a big house, a new car, money, status, etc.

No doubt Thai society is highly materialistic but so are most societies. Many Thai women resort to using sex to get that what they want – in outright prostitution, quasi-prostitution, or what we call relationship and marriage. But is this really unique to Thai women?

You write about the “female perspective on Thai love.” What about the male perspective?

For a start, Thai men are probably more likely to view polygamy and philandering a lot less critically than Thai women. As for the rest, I’m afraid you’d have to read the book to find out. Or you could grab the nearest Thai man and ask him.

Foreigners, will they ever be able to adapt to that Thai way of love? That so much more pragmatic way I mean?

All humans, including Thais, share the same basic feelings of love (and hate, admiration, contempt, jealousy, and what have you). Let’s not confuse basic human emotions with cultural norms and conventions. How well a foreigner can adapt to the so-called Thai love, romance and sexuality depends on how much he or she understands these notions in the Thai context and to what extent he or she is prepared to accept the norms and conventions that may (or may not) influence his or her Thai lover.

What’s so different between Thai and Western love?

In Chapter 8: Lovers and Bedmates, I talk about different kinds of romantic love in Thai culture. First love, last love, young love, true love, unrequited love, love triangle, winter-spring love, etc. are all known in Thai as they are in English, often literally in the exact same names (in different tongues). That obviously says something about the commonality of basic human emotions as opposed to the distinction regardless of culture and language. Of course, there are a few different concepts that may seem more “uniquely Thai” because you don’t have the words in English but the differences are more likely attributable to different cultural conventions. Thais hunger for love, feel love in no different way from Westerners do. The differences may lie more in the ways we go about getting love, show love, expect from love, deal with sex in love, etc.

Kaewmala, places such as Nana, Cowboy or Patpong, they can only happen in Thailand? What has the entertainment industry to do with the Thai concept of love?

For the sake of argument let’s suppose that the Philippines doesn’t exist and Nana, Cowboy and Patpong can only happen in Thailand, in which case these establishments may conceivably be love-conducive (if only for some romantic, unsuspecting foreigners). And the lovely young women working there might possibly see a go-go dancing and being bar-fined as their daily auditioning for a role of a lifetime with the potential princes charming in the guise of sex tourists and sex-pats. Can it really be that Thailand is such a “unique” place that some of its women go about looking for “love” that way? Or is it just a time-honored trade in which the women are exceptionally skilled at fooling their patrons to think it’s not.

What’s all this got to do with love, you ask. Well, Thais and most foreigners familiar with Thailand know that what’s going on in Nana, Cowboy, Patpong and other foreign tourists-oriented pockets in the country, however it may seem intoxicatingly romantic to the uninitiated, is not what ordinary people would call romantic. And it does not figure prominently in the mainstream Thai life as much as some might think. After all, the Thai women working in places like Nana, Cowboy, Patpong and the rest are but a small percentage of the whole Thai (female) population.

But if we talk about the larger sex industry (that caters to local men), yes, it might figure to some extent in the Thai concept of love and intimacy. A huge percentage of Thai men do frequent brothels, massage parlors, karaoke bars and establishments where sexual entertainment is available (though not likely Nana, Cowboy or Patpong because the attractions there aren’t exactly to the Thai men’s taste). As much as many Thai men and expats with Thai wives might like to believe otherwise, no women, including Thai women, can ever be desensitized enough to feel nothing about their men sleeping with other women, even if they are prostitutes. Mia nois and kiks would be a woman’s nightmare comes true. But mind you, many of these mistresses and casual squeezes aren’t from the so-called entertainment industry.

So, what do men’s sexual relations with hookers, mia nois and kiks do to the love between the concerned couples? If the men use up most of his sexual energy and fantasies with other women, where does that leave their wives and girlfriends? High and dry, I’d say, and maybe to other men (or women). And how does that figure into the concept of love for the hookers and the other women? Usually, if love is the main motive for a woman to become the other woman, she tends to do so because other options are more intolerable. As for hookers, well, we’re back to where we started, aren’t we?

So you might not find a serious woman at Nana?

Why? I think lots of ladies are seriously at work over there.

Is Thai society maturing, sexually, or are the behavioural patterns of denial and ignorance too deeply engrained? Is Thai society finally accepting what’s – sexually – going on around here?

What does a sexually mature society look like? In the book, one of the main themes is that sexual attitudes in Thai culture weren’t always so conflicted or hypocritical as they are today. Before the import of the Victorian values in 19th and 20th century (and the trickling Chinese influence), Thai/Siamese people seemed quite well-adjusted sexually and common women seemed to have more sexual liberty. So, in my view we were more mature but have become less so. Having said that I’m not blaming foreigners for giving us a new sexual hung-up. It was the Thai rulers at that time who thought it clever to become sexually puritanical and to put women back in the kitchen and away from romantic freedom. The ulterior motive was to make Siam appear “civilized” in the eyes of England and France so that they wouldn’t colonize Siam. How much of this really helped Siam to escape from being colonized I can’t really say.

In a mixed marriage, what are the most common problems?

Besides the usual couple problems like falling out of love or finding a new and better model, I think lack of language facility and cultural understanding on either or both sides are the main difficulties in cross-cultural relationships. Even without the language barriers, cultural gaps which lead to false assumptions, unrealistic expectations and misunderstanding cannot be underestimated.

The problems that I see come from both the individual personalities involved and the (Thai) families (since I live in Thailand). Foreign women marrying into a Thai family often feel suffocated by the traditional expectations from the Thai husband’s family, especially his mother, who might unjustly expect the foreign daughter-in-law to be like a Thai wife: more like a mother, sister and servant to her son and less like his lover. As for farang husbands and Thai wives, I think many problems that manifest stem from the man jumping headfirst into a relationship too quickly and underestimating the cultural and social gaps, and/or the Thai wife’s lack of interest or capacity to learn about the husband’s culture and values.

That is not to say that it will all be smooth sailing between farang husbands and Thai wives with similar education and social class. Educated Thai women from well-to-do families may also come with their own set of social and family conditions that may confound and constrict the foreign spouse in different ways. So, it pays for a foreigner to try first to understand Thai family values, the potential Thai spouse’s social and family backgrounds, and what she or he expects from the marriage before taking the big leap.

Many a reader might like to know how to get laid quickly in Thailand – you suggest a standard approach?

Although the book I write is entitled Sex Talk: In Search of Love and Romance, it is not a how-to guide to get laid quickly or slowly. What it does is explaining the cultural dimensions of love, romance and sexuality in the Thai context. If you insist on an answer, let me ask, where do you go if you want fast food? Same thing with fast sex. But if what you mean is fast free sex, then I sure hope at least you can pass off as Brad Pitt in the dark or look a bit like a Korean heartthrob. Otherwise it may be a bit difficult. The little advice I can give, if it helps, is that whatever you do, refrain from dressing poorly and looking desperate, or smelling bad (all equally important). Of course, if you are prepared to pay for play, none of this really matters.

Some foreigners may suggest it’s difficult to find a Thai woman with real class?

So, you want both to get laid quickly and real class. I’m afraid you’d have to decide on just one of the two. Intentionally or not, I think you might have dropped a hint in the last two questions as to why it proves difficult for some foreigners to get a woman of “real class”.

Yes, it used to be that mostly only Thai women of certain class (and economic needs) went out with foreigners, but I think things have changed. As the old stigma is wearing off, more educated, “higher” class Thai women are more open to having a relationship with foreign men now. I have a section in Chapter 7: Modern Courtship and Dating that explains the history and the transformation of Thai-farang relationships.

If “real class” is what a farang man is looking for, it would help to up his game a little, learn to be more patient in courtship and avoid the temptation of picking the proverbial low-hanging fruits. It is possible to find a classy woman. The real question is whether the man is willing or able to be classy himself. Classy women tend to gravitate towards classy men – as that’s what classy women do.

Thanks so much for your time Kaewmala.

My pleasure.

Sex Talk is available in major Thai bookstores. International order here.




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June 23, 2009 | Filed Under Being Farang, Books & Movies, Nightlife & Entertainment, Society, The Interview, The Thai Mind, Travel & Tourism 

Comments

33 Responses to “Thai Love Talk”

  1. stefan on June 24th, 2009 1.08 am

    If “real class” is what a “farang” man is looking for, he probably would think twice about this “independent consultant in international development”’s use of the “fruit” word when he’s being derogatorily referred to.

  2. Chris on June 24th, 2009 6.22 am

    … hats off to Kaewmalla and yourself for an interview that could have been just a “Google hook” but turned out to be quite interesting …

  3. Chdarat on June 24th, 2009 10.37 am

    Yes, I agree with Chris on this! Thanks for introducing me to Kaewmala.

    She made one point that really hit the nail on the head. The imported Victorian value into Thai society to make us appear “civilized” is the root cause of all the cultural confusion we face today!

    I call it the “Anna Syndrome” (as in Anna Leonowens of the King & I fame). Not the historical Anna but more the Hollywood treatment of Anna. But what Hollywood did was only reflecting what is in the Western mind since Flaubert’s ignorant tales of the east, became a classic! Leaving us Thai women with only two aspirations: to be Victorian prude or erotic whore such as Flaubert’s Kuchuk Hanem.

    Come on you Western men out there. When you first come to Thailand, you were only looking for Kuchuk, right!

  4. BangkokDan on June 24th, 2009 11.01 am

    Come on you Western men out there. When you first come to Thailand, you were only looking for Kuchuk, right!

    Honestly no Chdarat, work brought me here, but the local female beauty was a most pleasant side effect.

    Guess all the issues boil down mostly to individual personality than cultural background and heritage.

    BangkokDan

  5. Chdarat on June 24th, 2009 11.27 am

    :)

    Yes, you’re right! Individual personality is the key, on personal level, we’re who we are and shaped by whatever influences and each one of us is unique!

    But (yes, but, my favourite word at the moment so humor me) on the collective image level, culture has impacted the way we think, behave and even the way we want to be seen!

    This is just one of the thorns in my crown. :)

  6. MongerSEA on June 24th, 2009 12.54 pm

    Certainly I’m willing to listen to how some very general Thai social values might influence a local nightlife worker’s conduct. But for a university-educated, professional (and presumably privileged) Thai woman to tell me she’s got any real insight into what goes on in a bar girl’s head … No.

  7. chdarat on June 24th, 2009 2.55 pm

    Now that is interesting!

  8. Charles on June 24th, 2009 3.07 pm

    The author sounds like an interesting and intelligent person although the lens is skewed from Thai to Occidental and not the other way. Which isn’t very helpful for Thai women.

    A great contribution towards the topic though.

  9. yob on June 24th, 2009 3.22 pm

    Apparently the author feels she retains the high moral ground enough to speak for a whole sector it appears she has not even bothered talking to in order to sell her book. I would suggest that the group she really represents holds a limited allure to the sexually active “farang” male.

  10. kaewmala on June 24th, 2009 3.25 pm

    MongerSEA, if you are really willing to listen it would not really matter who the message is coming from. The fact that a university-educated Thai woman is saying something about bar girls doesn’t automatically mean she’s trying to put words in their mouths or get inside their heads. (Your jealous defense of them is however admirable.)

    And by the way, it is possible that someone who may seem privileged to you now wasn’t always privileged. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and have had to work hard before someone assume that I have always had it easy.

    Still, I agree entirely that university-educated female professionals shouldn’t speak for bar girls. But the thing is this one did not claim to do so. If you read the interview a bit more carefully you’d see that I was making an observation in response to a question. The absolute authority on the Thai bar girls are the Thai bar girls themselves (not me or you or anyone else who is not a bar girl). I think the ones you need to remind is not the educated Thai female professionals, but the numerous self-appointed experts on Thai bar girls out there who happen to be male, foreign, and more often than not speak no more than a few Thai words.

    The matter of class, real or perceived, can be subjective and seems to be a sensitive spot for certain foreigners. Some Thai women, like me, may not be poor, uneducated or living the hard lives of the bar girls and many Thai women. We may not have experienced extreme poverty or suffered a fate that causes your heart to boil and melt. Does this mean that we shouldn’t contribute anything to any discussion that doesn’t concern us? So who is qualified to talk about Thai women, or more specifically Thai bar girls?

    It is natural to root for the underdog but there is no need to beat up whoever you presume to be the upperdog.

  11. DavidB on June 24th, 2009 4.49 pm

    Well said Kaewmala to MongerSEA.

    I have not read your book, yet, but the points you make in the interview and in your comments above, are much in line with a lot of my observations about Thai women and in particular their relationships with foreign men.

    Just so you know, I have been married to a Thai woman (Isaan farming background) for 15 years and for the past 5 years have been working in a Bangkok company with Thai women from every imaginable background. So, I have been fortunate to be able to observe much of what you say, for myself.

  12. kaewmala on June 24th, 2009 6.02 pm

    Hi all,

    Let me say that the book, Sex Talk, is really about romance, love and relationship in the larger Thai cultural context, and not limited to relationships formed in the nightlight entertainment centers.

    And yes, from a Thai woman’s perspective because a man might have written a different book.

    If you are interested to know what I really think about different groups of Thai women, including women working in the night life scene, I have put up the excerpt about Thai-farang relationships here:

    http://thaisextalk.com/thai-farang.htm

    There’s also a “rough guide” to Thai women for farang men who are unfamiliar with Thai culture here:

    http://thaisextalk.com/looking-for-love.htm

    I’d appreciate your feedback.

  13. Talen on June 25th, 2009 11.02 am

    Excellent interview Dan. I really loved Kaewmala’s answers. This is a book I will definitely be picking up soon.

  14. BangkokDan on June 25th, 2009 11.07 am

    Her eloquent answers salvaged my rather bumpy questions.

    BangkokDan

  15. Patrick on June 25th, 2009 1.00 pm

    Interesting – a take on Thai love/sex from a thoughtful Thai woman instead of more bad fiction from white guys. The bookshelves could use more of that.

    A question, though: Are Thai dudes THAT bad in relationships? (Never dated one, myself.) It seems like everyone is comfortable ripping on Thai guys – notably Thai women (even educated ones) and certainly farangs, who seem to enjoy the comparison.

    But how much truth lies in the stereotype of the Thai male philanderer?

  16. kaewmala on June 25th, 2009 2.23 pm

    Patrick,

    Your instinct is probably right. I think the “bad promiscuous Thai male” is the favorite convenient bad guy in the farang male-Thai female thing – sometimes undeservedly. How much exactly the Thai men’s bad reputation is justified is not so easy to determine.

    If I remember correctly a nationwide survey conducted some years ago reported over 70% of Thai male respondents admitting to some form of marriage infidelity (from minor to serious), and about 1/3 or 1/4 admitting to having full-blown extra-marital affairs. Of course, poll numbers aren’t always reliable.

    Though I think Thai men’s infidelity is sometimes exaggerated, there certainly exists a very strong tendency. I personally don’t believe that the overwhelming majority of Thai men are promiscuous. My father was very faithful to my mother until his death and most of my male relatives seem like good husbands. Yet, an average Thai woman would consider herself lucky if her husband doesn’t stray. So, it stands to reason that a good number of them must be.

    If the Thai husband happens to use commercial sexual services once in a while or a lot, it is common that the wife might console herself that it could be worse. He could have taken a mia noi and put her up (and some husbands even use this rationale openly with their wives). But this casual attitude about sexual infidelity is only reserved for men. A wife or girlfriend’s unfaithfulness would cause her man to go berserk and his family and her family extremely upset with her because a good Thai wife has to be sexually modest and loyal (as she belongs to him, body and soul–as for the man it is considered enough that his heart belongs to her).

    These kinds of values and sexual double standards sometimes have horrific consequences. If a Thai husband happened to kill or do something violent to his wife in a jealous rage, he might even get sympathy from the police (and not a small number of Thais) if he told them she cheated on him. Graphic evidence of this kind of incidences can be seen regularly on the front pages of Thai newspapers.

    So, definitely there are good, loyal and attentive Thai husbands who don’t deserve the bad reputation, but based on observations like these I’m inclined to think that there is a fair chance that the good ones are outnumbered.

  17. yob on June 26th, 2009 6.03 am

    Blithe support for the fake prophet:

    Never trust he who claims to be every bodies friend. Dan, I suspect you like to sit on the fence on many issues – this doesn’t help your credibility – I’m the first to call you on that – I am sick of Thailand’s elite co-opting every attraction to what boils down to simply being just another home-grown Amazing Thailand attraction – and I wish you would show some loyalty and attempt to promote the voice of the real ambassadors of Thai sexuality and not limited to the moneyed and priviledged kind that you have supported here.

    It is ridiculous to shun the alternative voice as simply being that of “farang” males when you make no attempt to provide a voice for the Thai agrarian classes that also partially include the sex workers, who are the sector that are really the elephant-in-the-room of this discussion, which is of international interest, and not only the voice of an a-sexual intellectual Thai whose media success really does not hold much interest beyond her university credentials, a “book” and her claim to speak for the middle class – and attract whatever male who might want that; more so, it’s the drive to control the very lop-sided discussion at hand. Who cares for a priviledged Thai woman’s claim to entitlement when the values she quotes are so rarefied and abstract – and – above all – not hers. Give the Thai sex workers the chance to vent their own and genuine voice. Is that too much of a challenge?

  18. Catherine on June 26th, 2009 8.08 am

    Kudos on an excellent interview about a book that is a welcome addition to my bookshelf (or will be, as soon as I can get my hot little hands on a copy).

  19. BangkokDan on June 26th, 2009 8.19 am

    yob appreciate your comment, but I wouldn’t think in such narrow terms.

    Kaewmala is a voice without laying claim to universal validity.

    The voice of the poor and not so poor working girl from the province is well documented and I think it’s refreshing to say the least to get a more academic approach.

    Funny you mention the “a-sexual intellectual.” I first told Kaewmala that judging from her style of writing and her arguments I thought she’s a man hiding behind a female pseudo-identity. She didn’t take that with “bruised feminine pride,” but as a compliment.

    But I am more than eager to again listen to the voice of the “real ambassadors of Thai sexuality” yob.

    This site is all theirs. Hook me up with one. Maybe she could even constructively reflect on Kaewmala?

    BangkokDan

  20. yob on June 26th, 2009 11.57 am

    The narrowness you refer to is in actual fact the very lack of voice allowed or encouraged to the real front-liners of Thai female sexuality:

    “The voice of the poor and not so poor working girl from the province is well documented.”

    Where is this documented? Beyond the tawdry pages of sexpat wannabe novelists or academics such as this author who you are promoting?

    Your offer of a “blank page” doesn’t do nearly enough to address the lack of confidence or expression for these women (or men), and your somewhat conceited role of a (lazy) curator is self serving and smug.

    A blank wall does not a make a graffiti artist. These women are from everywhere, and not to be mistaken or marginalized as provincial or economically challenged. The study you are promoting is limited to surveys made based on results of cliched questions and answers that are drawn from a stereotyped viewpoint.

    You are revealing a disappointingly mainstream aspect to yourself Dan. The narrowness you blame me for is actually manifested in your laziness and lack of conviction for real stories that you should be researching and writing yourself.

  21. BangkokDan on June 26th, 2009 12.07 pm

    Now that’s cute calling me lazy for all the unpaid work that goes into this site.

    I’d call myself a quite liberal person, but the liberalism you are demanding is radicalism.

    Again, hook me up with a hooker who can write and this site is all hers.

    Your points are thankfully taken but I truly don’t have the time to process every topic from all possible angles.

    This site should first and foremost give food for thought and make think. I’m delighted to observe that this obviously works with you dear yob.

    This site may be slightly elitist. But never against the lost, downtrodden and forgotten. Read the header: “The Elaborate & Profane …”

    BangkokDan

  22. yob on June 26th, 2009 12.22 pm

    No one forces bloggers to blog. Filling space with ready made content is not exactly Pulitzer prize stuff.

    You reveal your contempt for the voice in question, that of “hooker”? Is that the bottom line? Is that the final desription worthy of the hundreds of thousands of women who largely sustain this countries economy.

    Isn’t the very argument presented here that of these women who do not feel worthy of telling their stories?

    A hooker who can write?

    I’m sure she exists somewhere, though I doubt she would feel safe or well represented on these pages.

  23. Louk on June 30th, 2009 7.03 pm

    Strange criticism yob … As no one is forced to write, no one is forced to read. You say that calling a hooker “a hooker” is derogatory, but you prefer gentle synonyms like “bar-girls”? The meaning remains.

    The problem is not being “safe” or “well represented,” the problem is that there is no will to take the time to write her story … All the bloggers would be really happy to find a bar girl willing to write! It would be, in term of blogging business, a success, as a lot of people are willing to read real stories.

    Anyway, your point that they are not allowed room to express themselves is moot as many popular blogs would be dying to find one willing to take the time to do it.

  24. yob on July 1st, 2009 5.52 pm

    @Louk: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda!

    btw, the term “bar-girl” is yours, not mine. Please don’t put words in my mouth.

  25. thai dating on July 7th, 2009 9.15 am

    I’ll go with the concept – that love knows no culture and nationality. Once felt, it always makes us happy.

  26. Wanna hear a what woman (Thai) want? « QuoteThai on July 10th, 2009 4.11 pm

    [...] farang male, Bangkok Dan and his blog, even interviewed the author, I found the blog very stimulating, the pun is quite [...]

  27. KV on August 13th, 2009 2.17 pm

    Interesting interview. Definetly made me interested in the book too. Sounds like an intelligent book and not just some silly book you might find in bookstores here. I think I saw it in the book shelves at Asia Books but was not interested to pick it up as I thought it would be just one another “cheap book” … Does this book have also any sort of dictionary or what?

    As more of political comment:

    Oh and I was pleased to see that at least one Thai has learned about the history of her country’s “culture and values” to point out to the Victorian ideology that put in place both legal system as well as “cultural behavior” models and made people change their clothing and hide their “naughty bits.” As most young Thais just parrot along with their parents and government propaganda about “classical Thai cultural values” when in fact they are just Western imports and at same time the culture of “mia nois” and sex business is rampart still, ah the joke. ;)

  28. Catherine on August 13th, 2009 2.30 pm

    … a pity that she has not picked up the Western habit of answering emails …

  29. kaewmala on August 13th, 2009 6.05 pm

    A note to Catherine.

    Sorry if you have sent me emails and got no reply. After having received your last comment, I checked my inbox and found no new emails or any old ones that I haven’t opened. If you still want to get in touch, email me at kaewmala@thaisextalk.com.

    Kind regards,
    kaewmala

  30. Catherine on August 13th, 2009 6.29 pm

    Thanks kaewmala. I’ve sent another note to check if it is your contact page messing up. If I don’t hear from you by tomorrow, I’ll send another via email.

  31. Jack N. on September 12th, 2009 3.00 pm

    Don’t waste time with this book, I read part of it (first 2 chapters) trying to get insights into Thai culture. All you get is the typical BS and psychobabble. Anyone with half a brain knows that each person’s sexuality is individual. Hell, there’s probably a broader rainbow of openly expressed sexuality in Thailand than in almost any other country. All you get from this book is the opinions of one educated, upper-class Thai woman who has never been in contact with those people who make up 99% of Thai society. Thailand is actually a diverse country in its types of people, attitudes and looks. Just take a look at people walking down the street, they look very different in physical appearance, unlike some other Asian countries. Thai society has many strata and psychological makeup is very nuanced. That will remain opaque to 99% of foreigners because they are not patient, analytical and perceptive enough to discern the differences between Thai people. And this opacity is not helped at all by the natural reserve, the Oriental inscrutability, of Thai people, which is one trait most Thai people do have in common. As this book would seem to be aimed at foreign men wishing to establish a relationship with Thai women, you won’t succeed by reading this book. Spending a few hours interacting with Thai people would teach you more.

  32. mienbao on February 3rd, 2010 10.40 pm

    Excellent points made in this interview.

    I lived in Thailand for four years until a year ago.

    My own personal experience as a farang dating Thai women is that they basically came in two versions. Fast and loose or extremely sheltered.

    The fast ones are not the “for hire” type but I was surprised how quickly they are willing to have sex. I have been told that some Thai females look for a farang to be the “kik” because the farang is so far removed from their community of family and friends that they won’t really have to worry about the shame of casual sex. The sheltered types are the “good girls,” college educated (in Thailand) and let’s say it … white skin. But they come across as so unaware of anything outside of Thailand and seem to have a maturity level that is much more slow to develop. Finding a Thai woman that I could relate to on a deep level was the biggest hurdle. One I never cleared in the time I had.

    Yes, I have been painting with a broad brush here but I am speaking in a very general sense.

  33. Thai Sex Talk for St Valentine’s Day | Women Learning Thai... and some men too ;-) on February 12th, 2010 8.01 am

    [...] started chatting with Kaewmla after Dan from Absolutely Bangkok interviewed her in his post, Thai Love Talk (when it comes to the new bits in Thai town, Dan is often the [...]

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