The Complete Bangkok Valentine’s Day Guide

It’s that time of the year again with the four letter word. Gosh, I’m talking about love.

Valentine’s Day. Pressure, pressure, pressure.

Insanely overpriced roses, insanely overpriced special menus, restaurants overfilled with insanely many couples.

It’s that day of the year again when even hardcore singles feel forced to buy insanely overpriced flowers. But for whom? Your neighbor? Mother?

There is a way out. Here’s the complete survival kit for Valentine’s in Bangkok.

A dense and all-embracing handbook.

A big thanks to Bangkok.com for doing all the hard work, research and write!

First the guide tells you how to surprise your love – with an first exclusive insider tip you’ll only get here!

Second: Where to find aphrodisiac sex food in Bangkok to give your libido a super-charge to ward off the droop.

Learn of “adults-only” ice-cream and other kings of aphrodisiacs.

Third – if you’re still willing to talk: A Thai love talk crash course to turn her legs to jelly. Slushy phrases such as: “Phom ja taam bpao bpao.” I’ll be gentle.

Or: Do you want to see my hotel room? “Khun yaak hen hong phom tee rong ram mai?”

Got that? Let’s start.

Bangkok’s Top 10 Romantic Experiences

Pessimists have long been declaring that romance is dead. A quick glance at our Top 10 Romantic Experiences — Bangkok’s finest love rousing locales — proves them very wrong. From candlelight and crooning venues to an evening of sexy and sultry salsa, an idyllic champagne picnic in Lumpini Park and a romantic overnight cruise on a converted rice barge.

1. VIP Movie Experience at Siam Paragon

The old-time favorite, a movie date, never fails to delight lovebirds. Splash out on the ultimate movie experience, complete with five-star treatment like a drink and snack, a fully-inclined massage chair, blanket, and pillow. And you think you remember that flick?

2. Spa Treatment for Two at Ananda Spa

Few things come close to a sensuous, revitalizing spa pampering session for two. Ananda Spa’s Couple Retreat Package will spoil you with a soothing salt scrub, the to-die-for Ananda signature massage and revitalizing bath. You’ll be floating out hand-in-hand! Well, some readers may prefer some other scrubs.

3. Overnight River Cruise to Ayutthaya

Escape from the frantic hustle and bustle of the city on board the magical Mekhala. Enjoy the sights of the ancient Siamese capital Ayutthaya and take in panoramic views as this converted rice barge drifts along the ‘River of Kings’. Then, retreat to your cozy cabin for … sweet dreams! Hmm … convincing.

4. Sexy & Sultry Salsa Evening at Fogo Vivo

Complete your romantic soirée and set the dance floor on fire at Fogo Vivo, Bangkok’s finest Latin club, where a sweltering session of salsa dancing can be reveled in. Expect sexy beats, powerful cocktails and an authentic Brazilian seafood BBQ. Yes, tried that, done Salsa, but don’t embarrass yourself in front of a jolly crowd. Practice those sexy & sultry moves in your own quiet room first …

5. Oysters & Champagne at Distil, State Tower

Delight your darling (and declare your lustful intentions) with the finest, imported champagne and oysters at Distil, a trendy hot-spot on the 64th floor of Bangkok’s State Tower. Take in the spectacular views of the city and riverside before making your next move … Sure a nice place. You may be broke though for the rest of the year.

6. City Lights & Dinner at Breeze, State Tower

Love is everywhere. It’s in the air, it’s in the breeze … Take your sweetheart to giddy new heights and discover the true meaning of fine dining at Breeze, one of the city’s newest and trendiest dining sensations. Undeniably the perfect place to impress a date! Haven’t seen love there everywhere, but at those vertiginous heights, who doesn’t lose consciousness?

7. Merit-making at the Temple of Dawn (Wat Arun)

Who said religion can’t be romantic? Taking your sweetheart for merit-making at the Temple of Dawn (Wat Arun) will, it is believed, guarantee a next-life reunion. And, while you’re there, enjoy a spectacular sunrise together! Indeed, time for some tamboon.

8. Adventurous Cycling Trip on Ko Kret

Looking for something a little less lovey-dovey, but nonetheless romantic, fun and exciting? Peddle off the well-beaten tourist path and discover an island on the Chao Phraya River where time’s stood still – the ideal getaway for an adventurous couple. If she can stand your sweat.

9. Idyllic Picnic in Lumpini Park

Spend a peaceful afternoon of alfresco picnic snacking at Lumpini Park, the oasis of the city. Break out the bubbly with your baby and watch the world go by. Fabulous picnic baskets can be ordered from the Conrad Hotel’s Deli Shop. Like in the good old innocent days.

10. Splendid High Tea Buffet at the Shangri-La Hotel

Dazzle your date with the Shangri-La Hotel’s famous High Tea Buffet that features a huge variety of delectable nibbles and bites. Tango the mellow afternoon away to the sounds of a full brass band while enjoying bewitching views of the Chao Phraya River. Bewitching tango – booked!

Let’s move on to:

Sex Food in Bangkok: Aphrodisiacs

Derived from the Greek Goddess of Love Aphrodite, the word aphrodisiac refers to a food, tonic or potion that is believed to inspire that loving feeling. In essence, its something edible that gives your libido a super-charge, so increasing the desire to rip each other’s clothes off.

Here is a breakdown of both the bizarre and better known aphrodisiacs that can be found in Bangkok. In the interest of you finding lip-smacking satisfaction, we’ve twisted the definition of what constitutes an aphrodisiac ever so slightly. After all, isn’t it true that a humble bunch or flowers or some expensive jewelry can make a lover go weak at the knees just as easily as a candlelit oyster supper?

Bangkok’s Old School Aphrodisiacs

Aphrodisiacs are big business in Thailand. And the country’s own repertoire – alcoholic virility boosters (yaa dong), black magic potions, snake bloods and various mainstream tipples – hold a special place in the nation’s heart. The reasons are many.

Not least is Thailand’s abundance of plant life and forests. With a long history of using herbs (samun phrai) to treat everything that ails you and a homespun passion for superstition and animism, Thais have for millennia looked to natural agents to help them – and the object of their affection – get frisky. Today, while city folk look to modern medicine, those from rural areas, especially working classes, still go barmy for potions, tonics or brews said to help things look up in the bedroom department.

So important is a love life to the Thais that the “tools” they use to gain one stretch beyond the digestible to the spiritual, with love charms, phallic amulets, lover’s shrines and fortune tellers all getting a look-in in their quest for lustful encounters.

Yaa Dong

One of the most popular is traditional tipple “yaa dong,” rice whiskey in which herbs are steeped to make tonics with near-on mystical powers. Served in little shot glasses costing no more than 10 baht, for generations this medicinal booze was the beverage of choice for those looking to deal with life’s thorny problems, everything from back-pains and fatigue to fertility problems. Those with names like “Murmuring Lady,” “Never Flaccid” and “Moaning Mistress,” left little to the imagination. Many became legendary. Others shrouded in secrecy. One concoction was even rumored to produce erections so potent they could make monks leap over the temple wall in search of romance!

Today you’re more likely to find people reminiscing about “yaa dong” than using it. However, those looking to up their sexual prowess can still find this old school arouser gracing the shelves of impromptu street stalls in some areas of Bangkok. Try Klong Toey Market, Chinatown, Soi Rangnam or Soi Cowboy – but steel yourself for giggles from the locals. There effectiveness? Debatable, but drink enough and you’ll certainly get frisky – probably a result of the whiskey more than the herbs soaking in it.

Bird Nest …

Chinatown used to be a source for many of the mysterious herbal ingredients that end up in “yaa dong”, and thus a hot spot for aspiring Casanovas. However, the days when an old Chinese gent would furtively pull a bear’s paw from a drawer and wink at you are gone. You may still find snake’s blood gracing the shelves though, or a man peddling phallic images or amulets alongside promises of “your wife will never be disappointed again.”

Easier to find, though, is Birds Nest Soup. Made from the nests of sea swallows – seaweed glued together by swallow’s saliva and the spawn of small fish – this delicacy is renowned for limbering up the libido. Like it or loathe it, you can also find Shark’s Fin Soup. Now, to lop off a poor shark’s arms and legs seems a despicable act but, like it or loathe it, it’s there. One traditional Chinese recipe reads: “Boil shark fins (sha ch’i) in water over a period of several days until meat is pure white and skin peels off at a touch. Eat and await love’s call …”

To ensure you can perform from here to eternity, also try heading for the small amulet market that bisects several small sois near Wat Mahathat, in Rattanakosin (Old City). Here, amidst Buddha images and the like, you can find phallusses to ward off the droop.

Other Aphrodisiacs

Modern Bangkok is a a storehouse for all things cool and cosmopolitan. This means you don’t have to look hard to find the better known aphrodisiacs.

Sex on a Plate

For starters, many foodstuffs with a long-standing reputation for garnering romantic attention – garlic, pepper, onion, basil, chili – are staple ingredients in Thai cuisine. And as in the West, many Thais believe the hype.

Many swear by raw oysters (hoi nang rom). This classic aphrodisiac is not only abundant, but cheap in comparison to prices you’ll pay elsewhere. They contain a compound that helps release sex hormones, and are rich in zinc (essential to a healthy libido). But there’s also their look and sensuous texture (a hint: “hoi,” the Thai word for clam also means the female’s nether regions). Try them at Sofitel Silom’s Oyster Bar. Or enjoy some imported “Fines de Claires” while sampling the vertiginous heights of Distil, a chic 64 storey high bar near the Riverside.

Chocolate: Sweet Surrender

Not unless you’re Don Juan reincarnate, or Brad Pitt’s better-looking cousin, should chocolate be left out of the seducer’s armory. Debatably the King of aphrodisiacs, it contains the same chemicals our body releases when we’re feeling loved up or passionate, making it ideal for stoking up flames of passion.

Although Bangkok’s climate means you shouldn’t let them linger, it’s popular. Buy some for a city girl or boy, and you will be thought a shameless romantic. There are gourmet shops, delicatessens and bakeries serving the gamut of dark, white and milk varieties. Try The Oriental Shop (Siam Paragon and Emporium), Cherubin Chocolate Bakery (Sukhumvit Soi 31) and Le Notre (61 Langsuan Road). The latter serves calorific but irresistible treats like the Volute Chocolate, a seductive dome of light chocolate mousse, with chocolate biscuits and melting tea crème brulée.

Romantic Interludes

All conscientious Casanovas are aware of the erotic power of the romantic meal. And Bangkok, while not quite up there with the backdrops provided by Venice or Paris, can cast a bewitching spell on diners. Not convinced? Go watch the twinkling city lights from up high, or majestic temples as you drift along the Chao Phraya River on board a converted rice barge, and you will be. Many hotels, too, have timeless restaurants that are ideal for wooing.

Alcohol can also excite desire (though too much can also impair performance). Why not round off your meal with a sex-themed cocktail like “Sex on the Beach”? There are a hundred and one suave, sophisticated bars to choose from. BarSu, a grown-up but debonair bar in the ground floor of the Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit, serves sexy concoctions like the “Aphrodisiac” or “BarSu Oyster Martini.”

Fine wine is something the Romans swore by to get the Bacchanalian orgy started. Though heavily taxed it’s in bounteous supply in Bangkok. Or perhaps you fancy a pudding that won’t put out the fire. Go for some alcoholic “adults-only” ice-cream at Amaltery in Siam Paragon. Hopeless romantics can scoff from the same bowl, while the more adventurous can take some “Screamin Orgasm” back to the bedroom (“the ice-cream’s on me …!”).

The “Almost” Aphrodisiacs

If the above don’t get you both frolicking like it’s going out of fashion, try one of the city’s “almost” aphrodisiacs. After all, the things you do or see together can just as readily arouse sexual desire or stir up love as the things you eat or give as love tokens …

If none of this helps: Pop to the flower market and bring back your beloved a taxi full of exotic flora, seal your lover’s devotion with breast or penis enhancement (courtesy of Bangkok’s very accomplished and very affordable cosmetic surgery industry), or try whispering Siamese sweet nothings into your chosen one’s ear … Because she’s (or he’s) worth it:

Love Talk: Siamese Sweet Nothings

Furtive fondles, stolen kisses and covert cuddles … No, not your typical Thai soap opera episode, just 7pm in your average Bangkok mall. Love and romance of the slushiest, mushiest sort plays big here. And if you want to get in on the act, a few carefully chosen words will go a long way. Here’s a few to melt your potential “teeraaks” heart, to turn their legs to jelly:

I love you
phom rak khun

Kiss kiss
juub juub

Hugging you is my favorite!
phom chob ghod khun teesud

Can I kiss you?
phom juub khun dai mai?

I want to stay with you all night
phom yak yoo gup thurr thang khuun

I miss you always
phom kiteung khun samur

Can I hold your hand?
chup murr dai mai?

I want to be like this with you forever
phom yak yuu kap khun yang nii ta-lort pai

You are my everything
khun khuu thuk-sing thuk-yaang khong phom

I cannot take my eyes off you
phom mai sa-maat la sai-taa pai jaak khun dai

Your smile makes the world brighter
rooy-yim khong khun tham hai loak sod-sai

What do you want to do this evening?
khuun nii khun yaak tam a-lai?

Sweetheart
teerak

You’re mine
khun bpen khong phom

Do you like it?
khun chob mai?

I’ll be gentle
phom ja taam bpao bpao

I want to see you again
phom yaak jur khun iik krang

Can I have your phone number?
khor bur toe-ra-sup dai mai?

Would you like to see my hotel room?
khun yaak hen hong phom tee rong ram mai?

Any love spot, love food or love talk we’ve forgotten?!

Have a jolly Valentine’s.




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February 8, 2008 | Filed Under Food & Drink, Nightlife & Entertainment, Travel & Tourism, Truly Bangkok 

Comments

4 Responses to “The Complete Bangkok Valentine’s Day Guide”

  1. fouse, gary c on March 7th, 2008 8.41 am

    Dan,

    I guess this is as good a place as any to write this piece of Thai history.

    Everone knows the legend of the Duck, right? I was living in Bangkok when the famous incident happened in 1975 or 76. It was reported in all the newspapers, Thai- and English-language.

    One morning at about 4am, a Thai husband came home from a night of carousing and jumped into bed. Soon, he was fast asleep. His wife, up to here with all the playing around, took a knife and cut off the man’s penis, then threw it out the window into the garden.

    Of course, the man’s screams brought neighbors who whisked him off to the hospital. The doctor told the man’s neighbors to go back to the house, find the organ and bring it back so that he could try and re-attach it.

    So the neighbors rushed back to the house, by now accompanied by news reporters and photographers. Searching the yard, they found that the penis had been scarfed up by a duck. What ensued was the neighbors chasing the duck around the yard, while the photographers took pictures. As a result, photos of the scene and the duck with the organ in his bill appeared in all of Bangkok’s newspapers. I personally saw the picture in the Bangkok Post.

    From that day, a legend was born, and the phrase “tat hai bhet gin” is, as I understand it, still a part of the Thai lexicon.

    gary fouse
    fousesquawk

  2. ristretto on March 7th, 2008 10.23 am

    Glorious Gary, didn’t know the tradition dates back that far. As a result we got some quite skillful reattachment-surgeons in town. I’d even say Thai surgeons are the worldwide leaders in the trade.

  3. fouse, gary c on March 7th, 2008 12.38 pm

    What is the adage – necessity is the mother of invention?

  4. Valentine in Bangkok « Somchai’s Thailand Weblog on February 5th, 2010 6.30 am

    [...] Found here: http://absolutelybangkok.com/the-complete-bangkok-valentines-day-guide/#ixzz0ec3EqNmH [...]

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