Time To Confess

Time has come to confess. Not an easy decision. It was my best kept secret. Since I was made aware of the very object of my deep affection I had jealously tried to guard to myself. I hid my growing addiction from everybody’s eyes. Until recently, when I had lunch at downtown Emporium with a friend. Judgment Day had arrived.

The heck with it, I quietly told myself. Full of relish to finally share my so pleasing little secret. And what a freeing experience the coming-out was to be. I grabbed my object of affection and told my friend: “See that TV there?” Hanging above us from the ceiling was a large Samsung TV screen. “Yes …?!” he said, not sure what to expect. Me: “I show you my telepathic powers.”

And wush, out of nowhere, as if switched off by a magic hand, the TV screen went black. My friend didn’t know what to think. How the hell … “Telepathic powers,” I smiled. And it was finally then, for the first time after months and months of covert hidden enjoyment, that I let somebody in on my object of affection: I showed him the black little gadget TV-B-Gone. A tiny little remote control to switch off any TV. Whatever brand. Anytime. Anywhere. Just point & click.

There is no better device for peace of mind in Bangkok. Even more: TV-B-Gone is THE Bangkok survival gadget in a city where switched on TVs – even if nobody’s watching – are a common nuisance.

TVs are blaring everywhere. And worst of it: People don’t even realize when the box is suddenly switched off. I’ve switched off hundreds of TVs in restaurants and shopping centers and at parties and receptions. Maybe there’s a hush moment of astonishment – “what just happened?” But with the box turned off conversations become richer, more joyful and relaxed.

As a rule of thumb though, you have to wisely distinguish between essential TV-watching and getting filled with crap. Better don’t even think of switching of the TVs in a bar filled with eager sport fans cheering their favorite team. You could cause major disturbances. And as the creators of TV B-Gone assure there are good programs out there. Why on earth would anybody want to switch off The Simpsons.

Who wouldn’t mind if TV-B-Gones turns into a national Nonsense TV Switch Off movement. But you don’t have to go that far. It’s even fun to quietly walk along the dozens of TVs in the electronics section of a shopping mall and – zap-zap-zap! – make all the screens go black. But you’re only allowed to do this once in a while. Remember: This little device so small it easily fits in any pocket is all about responsible TV watching.

If you should once misjudge a situation and mistakingly terminate an all-important program, it’s not yet too late. This ingenious little device not only allows you to switch off any TV, but also to switch on any TV.

Two major problems though: TV B-Gone doesn’t work in the Skytrain. Those darn test screens are TV-B-Gone-proof. And you have to order the device directly from the U.S. Haven’t seen the gadget in any Bangkok shop. But believe me, it’s money well spent for a very good cause.

Help bring down the noise levels and noise pollution in Bangkok. For a better environment and a happier future.

Says Mitch Altman, the inventor of the device: “You can use TV-B-Gone to control access to television for philosophical or practical reasons, or simply to have fun!“

Oh, nearly forgot. That day at Emporium when my tightly guarded secret was about to be exposed something happened that never happened before. My friend wanted proof that it really works. So I had to switch that box on again. And off.

But what happened! It usually takes a few seconds for a TV to react, as the device runs different protocols. And after a few seconds not only the TV went black. But the whole Emporium.

Power failure grand style. No more aircon, no sounds, just pitch black.

Seriously, I’m not kidding.

A minute or so later power was back.

It will forever remain a mystery if my dark little object of affection was the cause of total shutdown.

I rather hope not!

Imagine a horde of TV-B-Gone freaks zapping around Bangkok meanly paralyzing shopping malls, schools – if not Government House.